Previously from this brewery: First one!
Dearest Facebook,
I hope this message finds you well. I would sincerely like to punch you in the throat; repeatedly and violently if at all possible. Please unfuck your current nonsense at your earliest convenience, because it's negatively impacting my satisfaction right now.
Faithfully yours,
This Guy
I freely admit I like Facebook. It lets me do one stop shopping to catch up on the happenings of my family and friends, see some pictures, get links to interesting articles, play Words With Friends, and just stay connected to life in general. Look, I'm just not the guy who has the time or desire to call up all of my friends and see what they're doing. Too much work. A quick glance at the internet here and there and I'm good.
We all have the same complaints about Facebook, so I'm really not breaking any new ground here if I gripe about the nonsense you have to wade through to enjoy the site. I mean, we all have those friends who over share. I don't mind them over sharing somewhat unimportant things, but I do mind when they completely over share absolutely useless nonsense. If you're that person, allow me to break some news to you:
1. Just because I didn't "like" the picture of a cancer survior I don't know doesn't mean I support cancer. It just means that me hitting the 'like' button isn't going to cure cancer. Is there still someone out in the world there who doesn't know how much cancer sucks?
2. I don't care what you have for breakfast every morning, but here you are updating your status AGAIN to let everyone in on what you eat for every meal. Can you just summarize at week end?
3. I don't fucking care how many squares you see (or don't see) in the picture.
4. I'm not an imbecile, so yes, yes I can in fact think of a town in Pennsylvania without the letter 'E' in its name. Really not that hard at all.
4. No, your link to whatever left/right wing group with proof that Obama is a terrorist/Romney kills poor old people will actually NEVER get me to subscribe to your political ideology.
This doesn't mean I don't like you and don't want to see some of what's happening in your world. Therefore, I take full and complete advantage of the "hide" feature, where I can choose to subscribe to some of your posts, some of your updates, all of your posts, or (don't hate me) NONE of your nonsense. It has made Facebook much, much more enjoyable. Look, if you don't want to see my links to beer reviews, but you think I post awesome pictures from the 90's thanks to my scanner, you can fix this to your liking! You won't hurt my feelings, trust me.
Except.
Except that today, for some unknown reason, Facebook has decided to reset ALL of my carefully curated selections on what I see and from whom and when. My Facebook today was an explosion of crap; an electronic Mt. Vesuvius covering my screen in nonsense and killing all the things I do want to see in its path of wanton destruction. Every time I try to reset my preferred settings, Facebook ignores it like a six year old ignoring their mom when it's time to put the bike away and do homework. "Just five more minutes, Mom, and then I'll come inside," said Facebook, as it pedaled a tiny bicycle away, laughing as it thinks it got away with some big scam.
Is this happening to anyone else? Did I do something to piss off Mark Zuckerberg I'm not aware of? If someone knows how to fix this so that my choices stay fixed, I will award you some fabulous prize and be forever in your (Facebook) debt. I'm serious. I know how to change the settings, but they won't stay changed. And clearly I need help.
Perhaps a beer will help get my blood pressure back down to a more non-life threatening number. Tonight I'm going with a beer I had last night with dinner. I don't usually venture into the city on a school night, but a trip to Alla Spina makes it worthwhile. My beer for the night was La Nove from Birrificio L'Olmaia in Italy. In the glass, this beer had a dark amber hue, with a lingering white head. The aroma was light, but had notes of citrus. The taste had a nice mix of bitterness balanced with some caramel malt. Not overly hoppy, despite being described as a hoppy Belgian ale. Definitely enjoyable and refreshing, although next time I'm there I may not order a beer that costs as much as my entree.
 |
| Told you I was at Alla Spina |
Thing to Think About Today:
Clearly we're thinking about friends here, and clearly Facebook has selected "No" on the note I sent in class today asking if it will be my friend. In the spirit of this unfortunate development, I present to you the Dandy Warhols singing We Used to Be Friends. I'm out of here....
"Come on now honey / Bring it on, bring it on, yeah"
No comments:
Post a Comment